fourth year funk

So it has been a couple of weeks. I am now half way through my NICU sub-I and finally feeling okay about calculating TPN's and presenting my patients on rounds... (tiny, sick, premature babies are different than any other patient. It is a whole new world! But I'm sure come next year I will be very happy to have had the experience of being in the NICU. Not enjoying the 5:30am wake up time but then again, it could be worse. I could be taking care of adults! I do love the babies...)

I feel like fourth year is stretching out and will never be done. I'm in a funk. There is really no other way to put it. I should be excited to interview and I am. But I'm also just so tired. It is exhausting to be "on" and answer the same questions over and over and while I am oh-so-grateful that I have double digit interviews lined up I'm exhausted by the thought of the process of traversing the country again and again... I'm already "done" and it is WAY TOO EARLY to be in the that mindset. I think being away from Dr. Boyfriend and not knowing exactly what I'm doing after February is weighing on me. Fourth year was "set" and then my schedule was thrown off and now I'm waiting for things to be scheduled and I hate having things up in the air.

I have interviewed twice since A. Neither B nor C compared but I think that nothing will... they were both good alternatives and certainly rankable. I could probably learn to be happy anywhere, I have that ability but neither B nor C spoke to my soul like A. Then again I've always struggled with high expectations but really I am going to be at a place for the next 3-5 years so I want it to be right. However, it is too early to torture myself now, after all, there are plenty of other options. Interview season is far from over so I should feel encouraged and hopeful. And thankful, it is November after all!

But honestly, at the moment I'm just here. Fighting the fourth year funk and wishing it was March 15th already. I think I need to go bake something, drink wine and try to get into the Thanksgiving spirit... wish me luck!

sunny in california with random thoughts of life and pics of my cute puppy

i feel guilty that i can wear a sundress and walk with sancho under a blue sky while the eastern seaboard floods as sandy approaches...

i'm enjoying being home with dr. boyfriend... it is so nice to have time to read, cook, bake, go on walks and just enjoy life. i'm still giddy from interview A. my thank you's have all been sent and now i just wait and count the days until my next interview.

yesterday we carved our pumpkins, which is always one of my favorite fall things to do.

my dog likes to sleep in the strangest positions. case in point!

it is so strange, because 5 months ago i wouldn't have considered myself a dog person but dr. boyfriend really wanted one and i felt guilty that i was leaving him yet again so i gave in... and now i can't imagine life without him. he requires a routine, you have to wake up in the morning, even if you'd rather sleep in. he requires walks and exercise. he won't let you ignore him for too long and he is the sweetest and most stubborn puppy ever. he has never destroyed a single shoe or anything of "ours" but he does a number on his toys. he sleeps in his own bed and can potty on command. he is cute and doesn't mind being dressed up or paraded around. he is a good dog. unfortunately he is is part pit bull and thus often misunderstood and may prevent us from living is certain places but we think he is worth it.

i'm super excited and a little scared to start my NICU rotation next week.

i'm a bit nervous about my dad's upcoming mitral valve repair but glad that i'll be able to be there for the surgery and his immediate post-op period.

and right now i'm just thinking of friends and family in NY and surrounding areas. be safe everyone!

Interview A

A most perfect interview.... No delayed flights or lost bags. An on-time shuttle shuttle and easy ride to the hotel. Fun, good dinner with happy residents, followed by day of interviews with super nice,  down-to-earth faculty and then the afternoon off to explore and relax before doing it all again.

Today and the residency program seem too good to be true. I'm smitten and wish I could simply profess my love and sign on the dotted line. It is so strange, this interviewing for a spot. Well 2 spots. There are at least 30 applicants that have/will interview and then they will rank us and ultimately take just 2. (Hey A- pick me!)

Interview A is half-way over and at this point I don't think they could tell me anything that would change my mind about this place. Community- check. Education, research, travel- check, check, check. Beauful facilities, seemless electronic medical records, state of the art everything! Matching here would be a dream.

Yes, it may be a tinsy weeny cold in the winter. And yes, the nearest size able city is an hour + away but these hardly seem like sacrifices when given the opportunity to be at a world class institution. At least this is my thought process at the moment. 

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Now time for sleep while I dream of A.

Recant

So... yesterday I blogged about how I just didn't "heart" medicine, or at least adult medicine and while that may still be true so much of how I feel on wards is a product of the team dynamics.... Today our team got a new resident and new attending and both are great, rounds were extensive, exhaustive but invigorating... I got a new patient and kept my old one and learned and thought more today then perhaps in all of the past 9 days combined. Today I was actually a sub-I and it felt good. Being a "kind of sub-I" was boring... Too bad that tomorrow is my last day. Of course! But I do have to come back and finish my sub-I, two more weeks of it, so hopefully those two weeks will be closer to today than the last week and half.

In other new, three more rejections today. Yes, the tide has turned and my interview to rejection ratio is now skewed more toward the later.... But I'm still waiting to hear from 30 Child Neuro programs and a bunch of general peds programs so I'm okay with my 9 scheduled interviews thus far...


Time to pack my bags and head back to San Diego and Sancho and Dr. Boyfriend and I can't say that I'm sad about that in the least. :)

crickets here...

Welcome to my silence here in blogworld. Not because I don't have anything to say but in perspective all I've wanted to write about seems small and not really worthy of complaining about.

I am just about done with what is a 2 week medicine sub-I rotation (it was suppose to be ambulatory care but due to paperwork snafus it was decidedly not.) I don't have any great love for adult medicine (hence my going into peds) and I haven't been at my best these last two weeks but it is almost over and back the peds world I go (NICU) after a short break for my first interview and my dad's upcoming mitral valve repair.

I am nervous to start interview season but feel good about the number of programs I've heard from and interview offers thus far. It is still early but I hope others are feeling the same. Best of luck and positive thoughts to my classmates starting the interview season.

Hopefully I'll be more inspired to write soon.