Because I like lemonade....

I am an optimist. I may be accused of being a Pollyanna and sure I most often have on rose-colored glasses (literally, I have rose-red glasses!) but I like that about myself. I don't enjoy being depressed or anxious and I really do want the best out of life, for myself and for everyone else.

And while I like being positive I also have huge expectations. I expect the most and best out of others (and myself) and thus am quite often disappointed. Rarely can a person measure up to my ridiculous expectations and for sure I am the worst culprit of falling short. But the thing is, I can often empathize with the person and see the good in the situation and move on. Being optimistic means I forgive and forget and yet still expect better next time.

What am I trying to say? I'm not sure I even know... this post may be a bit of a ramble but I suppose I just want to say that I realize how lucky I am. I do not take my life and the opportunities I've been given for granted. Sure I've worked hard and going to medical school was not the easy path for me. I sacrificed much for this life/career but I've never felt entitled to it. I realize that a certain amount of luck and genes and a ton of support from my parents, husband, friends has made where I am today possible. Yet I have to say that the struggles, the work, the time invested has been worth it. And for the most part I've enjoyed it and I think know I will love being a doctor! So that is good...

I am so grateful that in just a few weeks (okay 2 and 3/7 weeks, aka 17 days) I will find out where I matched (granted that I do, but the optimist in me doesn't actually believe that not matching is a possibility). And in 17 days we will find out where we will be moving and living and working for the next five years and that is oh so exciting!

Also, I was also going to share some big news with my family and friends on Match Day. You see I am 8+ weeks pregnant and had planned to announce both at the same time. However the pregnancy is not viable and so I'm going to be medically induced this weekend and that kind of sucks. Because I was excited to be pregnant and it was mostly good. The polyuria, constipation, sore boobs, insomnia and fatigue not so much... But the knowing I was pregnant and the minimal morning sickness. The possibility of a brand new baby was inspiring and exciting and good. Of course it was also a bit scary and the timing was less than ideal. It won't be so horrible to NOT be 6 months pregnant when I start residency. There is something to be said for establishing oneself as a person/resident and making an impression before being the "pregnant resident" so for that reason I can say there is a silver lining. Oh and I am very happy to be drinking my two favorite beverages again (coffee and wine). I didn't miss them as much as I feared but I welcome them both back with welcome arms. Being caffeinated on 3 hours of sleep is a definite positive and I do love me some Pinot Noir so I can't say I'm sad that I no longer have to abstain with dinner....

So yeah, lemonade really is okay.

I guess that's all I've got for now. Happy Hump Day!

dog days and date nights

I'm in San Diego for the weekend and it is glorious.

I spent the day with my puppy. We went to the dog park and farmers market. I gave hime a bath and made the apartment smell nice (not like a dog). I visited Dr. Boyfriend at work for lunch and lounged around all afternoon reading, painting my nails and watching West Wing on Netflix.

And right now it is time for date night. We are going to a hot new restaurant and then maybe a movie, depending upon how long dinner takes and how awake I am. Either way, I'm just happy to be here.

20 days until match. The waiting continues but life goes on.

Happy Saturday and weekend to you!

Write here, right now/ right here, write now!

My New Year's resolution?

Simple.

To write. Which I already do. But I want to write more. More deliberately. More frequently. Just more.

And to read. Read more of substance and more of the authors that know how to write.

I think this is a perfect place to start...

New Year's Resolution Reading List: 9 Essential Books on Reading and Writing | Brain Pickings / via @brainpicker

Wishing you a happy, well read and well written 2013!

sunny in california with random thoughts of life and pics of my cute puppy

i feel guilty that i can wear a sundress and walk with sancho under a blue sky while the eastern seaboard floods as sandy approaches...

i'm enjoying being home with dr. boyfriend... it is so nice to have time to read, cook, bake, go on walks and just enjoy life. i'm still giddy from interview A. my thank you's have all been sent and now i just wait and count the days until my next interview.

yesterday we carved our pumpkins, which is always one of my favorite fall things to do.

my dog likes to sleep in the strangest positions. case in point!

it is so strange, because 5 months ago i wouldn't have considered myself a dog person but dr. boyfriend really wanted one and i felt guilty that i was leaving him yet again so i gave in... and now i can't imagine life without him. he requires a routine, you have to wake up in the morning, even if you'd rather sleep in. he requires walks and exercise. he won't let you ignore him for too long and he is the sweetest and most stubborn puppy ever. he has never destroyed a single shoe or anything of "ours" but he does a number on his toys. he sleeps in his own bed and can potty on command. he is cute and doesn't mind being dressed up or paraded around. he is a good dog. unfortunately he is is part pit bull and thus often misunderstood and may prevent us from living is certain places but we think he is worth it.

i'm super excited and a little scared to start my NICU rotation next week.

i'm a bit nervous about my dad's upcoming mitral valve repair but glad that i'll be able to be there for the surgery and his immediate post-op period.

and right now i'm just thinking of friends and family in NY and surrounding areas. be safe everyone!

Yesterday, I fell off my bike

Yep. Fell. Off my bike and onto my face. At a red light in the middle of traffic.

Embarrassing? A little.
Painful? A bit.

I actually was attached to my bike (blame the clipless pedals) so I ended up landing on my bike and my chin hit something and split wide open. Good thing my dear gypsy girl was with me to help me pick myself up, clean my wound and get back on my bike.

Yep, I got back on and rode some more. Gauged in chin and all. I'm hoping the butterfly closures work, as I really don't want stitches.  But now my face looks a bit interesting, almost if I got beat up, or well fell on my face (oh yeah, I did that!) Dr. Boyfriend is calling it my face tattoo. But I'm fine. And I'll ride on.

You may be wondering why I am riding a bike "clipped-in" and that is a good question. I have decided to ride the MS 150 in a month. My good friend was nice enough to loan me his super fancy road bike. But it has clipless pedals, so I got myself some biking cleats and I will learn. Yesterday was ride #1 and from what I've read and been told there is a learning curve. I will fall. It was going to happen and it did. And I'll fall again. But I will master this and ride on Sept 9th. 

And I'm asking for your support. This cause is extremely important to me. If you've read much of this blog at all you know that I go to Teen Adventure Camp every summer and I use to work at the National Pediatric MS Center. And well, I heart those teens with MS.  I'm riding for them. So please, donate what you can. $3, $5, $15, $50. Its a great cause, you'll make me super happy and it is tax deductible too.

Click here to donate or find out more about the ride.

I've long kept this blog semi-anonymous since the start but feel this cause is worth disclosure. So please support me if you can. And if you want to join my team, volunteer at the ride or otherwise get involved, that is awesome too. Me and my face tattoo thank you!