Confessions of a Med Student- Part I

I always meant to write a little summary/reflection for each term but never got around to it. This is my stab at it before I leave Grenada. I will try to write about a term a week over the next month.


Term 1 Rehash
(Biochemistry, Anatomy & Embryology, Histology, Bioethics)  

Okay, I'll admit it. I hated biochemistry- yep, hate! I know that is awfully strong but it is true. I was scared I was going to fail. I didn't enjoy the class. The department obviously was having some type of family feud and despite going to special group review sessions given by upper termers I just didn't feel like I got it. Theoretically I was interested in the material, but when it came down to it, I really had a hard time counting ATP and remembering enzyme names. Biochem haunts me to this day which is too bad since Pharmacology is like applied biochem. The upside is I understand the importance of pharm in my clinical years so I'm tolerating it. Biochem is #1 on my list to focus on for USMLE Step 1 starting now,  but I feel like I retained nothing...  so of course I'm not happy about having to study it. Again.

I didn't like anatomy either... I know, I know, what kind of a medical student am I? (Now you are probably waiting for my future confessions that I don't like patients or blood makes me faint...) I wanted to like anatomy. I tried. But it was so much to memorize and no matter how much I studied, I would always feel like I knew nothing when I stepped into the wet lab. The smell didn't bother me, and I liked the idea of finding vessels and nerves and muscles. But who knew that bones had so many parts? Not I.  During the term, I felt rushed and unsure of everything.  Every week I dreaded anatomy small group. I was scared to be asked a question I couldn't answer. I tried to prepare and study but there just wasn't enough time. I remember being tired and stung out on caffeine. The physician tutors would inevitably ask us something we didn't know and I'd always feel bad, like it it was my fault I hadn't read and memorized that exact page of Gray's. Maybe it was all part of the process, you have to be humbled and you have to realize that medicine is so much larger and more complex than you will ever master, but still you have to try. (I would love to go back to anatomy now, just for a week or two, into the wet lab and see if having the foundation makes it more palatable. I'm guessing it would. (I could probably arrange this if I was super motivated but honestly I didn't like it enough the first time around and I have NO plans to go into surgery so I'll stick to Netters and BRS Anatomy for the Boards.)

Histology was tolerable. I enjoyed it more than biochem or anatomy, although I didn't feel like I had the time to truly master it... It was like everything else, a bit overwhelming in depth but necessary foundation.

Bioethics on the other hand was my favorite class of the term, of course it was only worth a minor 3 credits and only lasted half of the term, but I actually enjoyed it (although I was definitely in the minority). I found it interesting and manageable, unlike the rest of the term. Or course the realization of this during Term 1 also made me question exactly what I was doing in medical school... I just hoped and trusted it was going to get better.... and kept going.

Medical school was/is hard. During first year I truly doubted myself for the first time (maybe ever). I wondered if I was smart enough. I was lonely, I missed my husband. I didn't feel academically satisfied no matter how hard or much I studied. However, now that I'm approaching the end of my 2nd year I can appreciate that it wasn't so much WHAT I learned during first term but that I learned HOW to learn and HOW to study. But at the time, it was painful and not my favorite part of medical school. So there you have it. (And it did get better. So if you are an MS 1 and reading this, hang in there. You can do it!)

Stay tuned for Part II (and Term II).

Reflections of 2009 - A Blog Review

As per Srav's reminder and instructions- Take the first line(s) of your first blog entry of each month and presto:

Well, I'm not exactly ready to go. The problem is my bags are OVER packed. 


So, I cannot sleep again... I don't know if it was the 2 hour nap after lecture (thank you migraine and Relpax for that!), the cup of coffee at 8pm or the fact that I'm feeling a little guilty for the amount (or lack thereof) of studying I accomplished today but here it is, after 2am and I am wide awake. 


I know I haven't posted lately, and I'm sorry... I'm going to use the excuse of midterms. That and I'm on island time... 


[Somewhere Over the Rainbow...]...blue birds fly? Maybe but not in Grenada. Instead we've got cows, geckos and toads!



My grandmother just passed away. I have been wearing her pearl earrings since I learned that she decided to leave the hospital on Tuesday. 


Term One ended. I did finish all four books and Fox's memoir is worth the read.


If you are in medicine then you  know that July 1st means the new residents have started working. 


I am back! I made it despite a bit of a layover in Trinidad and now that I am here I'm feeling quite unmotivated... maybe I did a little too much this summer, but I still have a few days before classes begin to sleep in, get settled, enjoy Spicemas, go to the beach, etc. so it should be okay.


So, one of my goals for term 2 was to attend a health fair. And I went to my first today. It was amazing. 


[Happy. Lucky. Loved.] Just a few words to describe my mood at the moment.


So, I did it. I went on my first Hash. 


There is nothing left to do but study.

So, that pretty much sums up year one of medical school and 2009. Other stuff that didn't make the blog but are also important and worth noting... I celebrated my one year anniversary to the love of my life (my constant support and the person I cannot imagine being without.) My classmates are some amazing people and among them I made new friends for life. I was reminded of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful loving and supportive family. Going to medical school in another country is hard. But medicine is not an easy field and if anything SGU and Grenada have prepared me for whatever may come my way. I survived year one of medical school and have no regrets, so no looking back- Happy New Year and Welcome 2010! Wishing my readers and everyone the best this coming year.

A little help from my friends

This post is dedicated to some of my friends and favorite people: FU, the Gypsy, Miss P, and Classic Rock  (you know who you are!)

So, I made it. Term 1 is officially over and we are 2nd termers!  Only 1.5 years of basic sciences left. And then 2 years of clinicals and then 3-5 years of residency, and then an optional fellowship. But who's counting? Term 1 is history and that is all that matters at the moment.

Friday was a blur. We took anatomy, reminisced over beers and then went to Club Bananas for dancing and really good fries (thanks Classic Rock.) Yesterday was low key, packing, putting things in storage, dinner at the local Prickly Bay Waterside. I'm here for another week and plan to enjoy the island but my favorite people are soon leaving me day by day to go home. However we did have one final hurrah. And as we sat around last night I had to think back to orientation. I love my class, I love my friends and term 1 wouldn't have been as fun or as palatable without them. Bring on term 2! (After a nice summer at home that is.)

Was term 1 difficult? Yes, because it was hard to know how to study. And it was hard to study all the time. It was terrifying and boring and interesting and exciting, depending on the subject and professor and a million other factors that changes by the moment. But thanks to my favorite people and our many study dates and non-study dates (thanks FU) and DES and BRS and lots and lots of studying I think I might sort of have the hang of this med school business after all. But not without a little help from my friends.