The Anatomy of Tears

I cried today.... it was part sadness: I miss my husband, this term has been long and I am ready to go home. He graduates from residency tomorrow and I won't be there to share it with him. His Birthday is this this week but I'll be here, studying for my path final. Sometime things don't work out like you want. And I know that I'll be home soon but right now it just doesn't seem soon enough.... and so I cried.

It was part anger: we finished pathology with forensics and there is something despairing in how humans treat one another. The last two days have included lectures on child abuse, rape, homicide and suicide, all complete with pictures so I started to doubt the humanity left on this earth. ( I expected forensics to be fun, like solving cases on "CSI", but the problem is they are all true cases and pictures of real people.... It was the opposite of fun. It was emotionally draining and terrible and I have ruled out Medical Examiner, Forensic Pathologist and possibly ER based upon how I've felt these past two days.) 

I tried to turn my day around, I ran out of class and came home for lunch but found myself looking at pictures of the oil spill, haunting, sad, heart-breaking pictures. The highlight of my day was an actual mid day conversation with Dr. Boyfriend and skype let us both be on video for the first time in forever, so that was nice. But then I had to go to lab and hear more about terrible, horrible things that humans do to one another. I tried to redeem my day again and went for a swim at with a plan to watch the sunset, but locals kept bothering me, peddling their necklaces, mangoes and company. I escaped to IGA and stocked up on a few things for the final two weeks I'm here.... But when I got home the new iphone Facetime video flashed across my computer and the music and the orchestration was just too much, so I cried. Tears of sadness and disappointment in mankind. 

I know that I will see things and do things that will make me feel this way again. Medicine does not always provide a happy ending and that is a reality I have chosen by coming to medical school and embarking on the life a physician. I just hope that the sun comes out and the encouraging days outnumber the heart-breaking ones. And when they don't or when I need to, I'll cry....


  1. A lot of people frown on crying and say it's a sign of weakness, but if anything, I think it's a sign of your humanity. It's good to let it out once in awhile you know? And if you lasted this long into 4th term without shedding a tear, then clearly you're so much stronger than I ever was. Hold fast, only about another 10 or 12 days and you'll be back on terra firma! And believe me, not having to worry about Micro this time around makes the week go a lot more smoothly. GOOD LUCK!

  2. Hang in there Regina! Sometimes so many things are just yucky, no other explanation. You had a totally bummer day...many more good days must be heading your way!