For Sophie

and Elizabeth over at a moon, worn as if it had been a shell

This virtual ornament is the idea that inspired virtual ornaments. I was at the American Epilepsy Society meeting last week and came across this ornament which I knew I had to have. I was originally going to send it to Elizabeth and Sophie but then realized that they live with epilepsy EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. and thus really don't need an ornament to remind them... but I do love me some purple and so why couldn't I have the ornament for my tree? And so I donated some money and took it home... where it now resides.

As you may know I am applying for residency in Child Neurology and a large portion of my future patients will have epilepsy. This is no cure. There are medications and diets and surgeries that sometimes work, for some patients and there there are those like Sophie who are somehow above any treatments the medical world throws their way. My heart breaks, it does. I don't know if we will ever have the ever-elusive "cure" as there are so many reasons for and varieties of epilepsy but I do know that part of my career will be interacting with the families affected. Elizabeth and other bloggers have opened my eyes to the lives that are lived beyond the walls of the hospital or medical clinic. The world of IEPs and wheelchairs and affected marriages but most of all the world of love that they (Sophie,  Calvin, Max, Pearlsky) create as part of being. The compassionate siblings and more patient parents. The better world. And so to Sophie and Elizabeth I dedicate this ornament. One for my tree, one for theirs....

For S

This ornament is hung on my tree at home but today I am virtually hanging it here for S, over at A Thousand Times Over.

Way back in December 2008 when this blog was still only an idea I found her blog and was inspired: by her writing, her dedication and her passion for medicine. It was present then and it is present now. These past four years may not have culminated exactly as S had planned, but she still has a passion and desire to enter medicine and she will make a damn good doctor when she is given the chance. I am thinking of her this match season and I am hoping/wishing that 2013 allows her to finally fulfill her dream and match into IM so that she can show the world what I know is true.

Life does not always work out as planned but I do believe in persistence and I know that S does too. So  to S, please don't ever, ever, ever give up!

Virtual Ornaments

I am not sure exactly why, but I've been thinking of people that I only know because of this blog lately... And well, while we may not be meet-for-coffee or call-up-on-the-phone friends we share a world and we share a community and so this holiday season I've been thinking of them...

And if you know me or have been following this blog for any length of time you know how much I LOVE all things Christmas.

Ornaments are especially one of my Christmas time favorites and so I give you virtual ornaments.  (Ornaments that I would very much like to find wrap and send but I don't even know the addresses of any of these bloggers, just their web addresses.) I will dedicate these ornaments to those fellow blogger that have inspired me this year. Those bloggers that made me laugh or cry or just make me think.

Happy Hanukah, Merry Christmas and good cheer to all this Holiday Season!

Love,
Spice Queen

Frosty and lights

I'm status post my NICU rotation and I'm glad I did it. The learning curve was steep and I missed Dr. Boyfriend terribly but it was good.

I'm now back in sunny San Diego and volunteering in order to attend the American Epilepsy Society conference. I've slept only 8 hours in the past 2 days and am thus being sustained by caffeine but life is good. I never posted an appropriate thankful post in honor if the last holiday but I an grateful of my life, health and  privilege to be a physician in training. December is filled with interviews and I'm thankful for that. I'm happy to have time off and time at home. It's my favorite season and Holiday and if there is anyone that lives Christmas more than me it is Dr. Boyfriend. So to decorating our tree and listening to carols and searching for the best light displays in the area... I'm excited and as cheerful as a 5 year old on Christmas Eve!

fourth year funk

So it has been a couple of weeks. I am now half way through my NICU sub-I and finally feeling okay about calculating TPN's and presenting my patients on rounds... (tiny, sick, premature babies are different than any other patient. It is a whole new world! But I'm sure come next year I will be very happy to have had the experience of being in the NICU. Not enjoying the 5:30am wake up time but then again, it could be worse. I could be taking care of adults! I do love the babies...)

I feel like fourth year is stretching out and will never be done. I'm in a funk. There is really no other way to put it. I should be excited to interview and I am. But I'm also just so tired. It is exhausting to be "on" and answer the same questions over and over and while I am oh-so-grateful that I have double digit interviews lined up I'm exhausted by the thought of the process of traversing the country again and again... I'm already "done" and it is WAY TOO EARLY to be in the that mindset. I think being away from Dr. Boyfriend and not knowing exactly what I'm doing after February is weighing on me. Fourth year was "set" and then my schedule was thrown off and now I'm waiting for things to be scheduled and I hate having things up in the air.

I have interviewed twice since A. Neither B nor C compared but I think that nothing will... they were both good alternatives and certainly rankable. I could probably learn to be happy anywhere, I have that ability but neither B nor C spoke to my soul like A. Then again I've always struggled with high expectations but really I am going to be at a place for the next 3-5 years so I want it to be right. However, it is too early to torture myself now, after all, there are plenty of other options. Interview season is far from over so I should feel encouraged and hopeful. And thankful, it is November after all!

But honestly, at the moment I'm just here. Fighting the fourth year funk and wishing it was March 15th already. I think I need to go bake something, drink wine and try to get into the Thanksgiving spirit... wish me luck!